Friday, January 16, 2009

I Really Miss High School

...or any type of school for that matter. Sigh...I'm just feeling really nostalgic and sentimental right now. I was just viewing some YouTube videos from my old high school, and although I hated going to school back then, I now don't realize how lucky I was. I now realize that when in school, you really need to live it up 'cause you'll never relive those experiences again. Even if you come back to visit the school or come back to work at the school, it's just not the same. In my last year of high school, I was slightly more social than I'd been for about a year or so, but even so, I had a lot more work to do, and I seemed clueless and seemed to take the fact lightly that a big change was going to occur in my life - when I'd leave school and never go back (at least for a while). Sure, I plan (and hope) to go to college, and I sure hope I go, as it'll be the next best thing to reliving old high school years as I can get, but even then, it won't be the same. Things'll be more adult, and more time will be spent on schoolwork rather than coasting through school on mediocre grades and having crazy parties, goofy times, etc. Sigh...I really miss high school.

My life sucks now - I got virtually no friends (at least not many that I contact often in person) except for my good friend Daniel, and I rarely get out of the house or go anywhere or do anything. Ever since graduating high school, I planned to make the most of my time off - get a job, find some hobbies, live it up, etc., and I planned to take only a few days (or a week) off to decompress (as George Costanza did on Seinfeld). I was going to kick back, play some Warcraft II, listen to some oldies music, and do nothing, and maybe catch up on some old projects. Well guess what? It's over seven months...going on eight...since I graduated from high school...and I'm still virtually no better off. I'M STILL DECOMPOSING...ahem...DECOMPRESSING! Sure, I've gotten some things done, but not as much as I hoped and certainly not within a short time period. I've still got TONS of goals from 2008 that I still haven't completed. Will it ever end? Will I ever break free from the prison that is my hermit life? Can I finally be social once again and actually talk to people and have a real life? I haven't had a girlfriend in almost a year - and the last one I had was the same one I'd known for years prior - I've only had two girlfriends over the course of my life, and one of them didn't even amount to much. Now that I'm out of school, my chances of getting a girlfriend are very slim, and getting one in high school was slim enough. I "envy" my friend Daniel a little bit who's enjoying his final months in high school. Ah to be in his place seems like just yesterday I was in his place...and it was a year ago! I remember I had my final classes...the one class in particular I liked was Drama, and I was the only senior in a class full of freshmen (and some sophomores). There was a small snow one year ago today (although it didn't amount to much), and I took the next two days off from school just for the heck of it (since they didn't give us a snow day off). It seems like just yesterday, but a year has passed since then.

Have I really done so little with my life that time just blazes by me in a heartbeat? I remember things from three years ago that still seem like things I just did. It's a little scary actually. I had the same worries around that time when I was worried about the afterlife and that I'd be a fully grown adult before I knew it and that I'd be in a nursing home before I knew it. Time passes fast, and the only way to make it seem like you've accomplished a lot is to actually do a lot...which I haven't. I waste precious time, and I have so many things I could be doing with my time. I miss my old social life (if I ever had one). Eleventh grade was no doubt the best year in high school for me - I had a pretty good number of friends and even took my girlfriend to the Homecoming Dance. Now, more than two years later, I've got nothing. Things are so damn boring around here! I can't stand it! I've got to get a life soon - I hate the misery of being alone with nothing to do. I'm tired of wasting time and not doing anything. I miss the good ole days of high school when I was surrounded by tons of people my own age. It doesn't even feel like I really graduated...I feel like I'm still a student at my school, but yet, I'm not. I'm all done with it, and I can't go back. It's really sad, but yet when I graduated, I felt little emotion and thought almost nothing of it. I've got to go back to school (as in college). Maybe then things'll finally rev up for me. Otherwise, I can find other ways to improve my life. One way or another, I've got to do it - I'm sick of wasting my life. Let's let the good times roll again!